5 Things I'm Struggling With
5 months into our full-time travel journey
There’s a trend going around on Instagram that, for once, I like: “IG isn’t real > Here are 5 things I’m struggling with right now.” And people are actually vulnerably sharing things that aren’t just unicorns and rainbows. We all know that social media is full of highlight reels that aren’t reflective of the nuances of our lives. Often life is hard, even when it’s intermixed with legitimate highlights. Because yin and yang go together.
Perhaps we don’t post more hard moments because, well, it’s hard. Hard to admit when we feel down, hard to process and articulate our more negative emotions, and hard to open ourselves to comments that may trigger us even more. So hooray for a trend that’s trying to go to a deeper level, even if it’s on a medium that otherwise seems to be made for sharing at a superficial one.
With that, here are 5 things I’m struggling with right now:
I feel lost and unmoored without a job. I no longer have a professional identity and am not yet sure how to pivot my skills into something new. I’m sure that in time I can figure it out (when I have more headspace for it), but it’s unsettling at the moment, mostly because I’ve worked my whole life to have a career and so many women around the world still don’t have that opportunity and now I’ve just walked away from mine.
I have no idea how to relax and just be. I’m wired to be going and doing something most of the time. I get restless sitting around and feel like I’m wasting time if I don’t go somewhere or maximize seeing something as we travel. I don’t know how to undo a lifetime of societal conditioning, nor whether I’m supposed to or even want to. I see all these pictures of people relaxing on a beach and think: That looks so nice. But also: I don’t know how to just sit on a beach for more than about an hour.
I’m not sure where we fit in. We aren’t budget travelers, nor are we content creators with sponsored posts and excursions. We don’t have endless points and miles to help us traverse the globe. We aren’t even real homeschoolers; we’re homeschooling so we can travel but otherwise the kids would be in school, as that’s their preference.
I desperately miss community. I’m a people person; I get my energy from others. I love bouncing ideas off of people and co-creating with them. It’s lonely traveling with just your family. Don’t get me wrong, I love them and appreciate spending this time together, but I also want more. And while I have various circles of friends I’m in touch with virtually, it’s not the same.
I’m scared to pick a country to settle in. Even if it’s just for a year. What if we make a horrible decision? What if we supremely mess the girls’ futures up? Yes, I could theoretically start to build community, but what if I can’t adjust to all the cultural differences? Of the places we’ve identified as possibilities, I feel like I’m settling. I don’t feel super enthusiastic about any of them (yet) and the places I love the most aren’t realistic options for us. In many ways, it would be easier just to keep traveling, but the girls want to be in school and I need community.
The overarching theme here is: Uncertainty is really freakin’ hard! You’d think it would get easier with time, but nope. I miss all of the familiarity of home in the US and all of the convenience, too, including ordering anything I want from Amazon. I miss going for a run in the hills and having coffee with a friend. I miss being outside without it being ridiculously humid or without needing to swat at mosquitoes. I miss garbage disposals and dishwashers and dryers and having my own car. I miss big living spaces and a standalone house. Will I eventually adjust to all of the change we’re navigating? Quite likely. But in the midst of it, it’s hard, as I knew it would be.
I think if I had a focus for myself—something overarching and meaningful I could apply my energy toward—many of these things would start to fade into the background. I think with time I can find that, but for now I feel like a wayward soul. I suppose it’s part of the process of stepping away from the life we’ve known and opening ourselves up to something new. It’s amazing, but it’s also really challenging. Pivots are always hard when you’re in the middle of them and, as my friend Sarah (and so many other wise souls have said), “The only way out is through.”
So that’s my post on keeping things real. What are you struggling with right now?
Thank you for being open about this! While it's true that in the future everybody will look back on this as a wonderful experience, right now it's kind of like the first few years of babies where you have good days but some of the stuff along the way is incredibly hard. Why is it that practicing kindness and patience for ourselves is the hardest thing to do when we do it so well for others as moms 🤷♀️
I can only imagine the challenges. But I read your posts and think to myself that you’re giving your girls such a unique gift. And the memories you’re making will stay with all of you!