Expat Etiquette in Online Forums
How to show up in groups you join as part of your global exploration & adventures
I’ve joined a fair amount of Facebook expat groups as we’ve traveled and lived abroad. The good ones are gold. They’re made up of helpful, kind-hearted people who want to connect with others and share useful information about where they’re living; they’re also well moderated by admins who spend a lot of time to ensure mostly inclusive spaces. Unfortunately, not all are run well and some let unhelpful and divisive comments perpetuate.
In the better run groups, there’s a somewhat consistent etiquette that’s expected, though it’s not always explicitly stated. (That said, do read and follow the rules that you agree to when you join.) Newbies who come in firing off a list of 10 questions in one post, often with little to no context and many of which have been previously addressed, may find themselves shunned. Don’t be that person. (This applies to many FB groups, not just expat groups.)
Here’s what to do when you join an expat group:
Join the group before you head to the corresponding location. The farther ahead, the better (though I realize this isn’t always possible).
Observe first; don’t post right away. Spend some time reading posts in the group. This alone may help answer questions you have, especially if it’s an active group. Save posts that are useful so you can refer back to them. Take note of the tone, the kinds of questions asked, and the information shared. Pay attention to group norms and rules; e.g., some expat groups prefer for conversations to stay in the main threads so others can benefit from them, not splinter off into DMs.
Before asking any questions, search the archives. DO NOT POST UNTIL YOU’VE SEARCHED! I promise you that much of the time your question has been asked and answered, likely multiple times. No, the FB search function isn't great, so you may need to get creative with your search terms. You may need to do a bit of manual scanning. But do search and see what you find. If you can’t locate anything or if you determine that the answers are more than ~2-3 years old (the time frame is relative, so may require shifting) and you need more updated info, only then post a question. Consider prefacing it with something like: “I’ve searched the archives and can’t quite find…could you point me to…” Your request will likely be better received.
Think carefully about whether what you seek is expat related (i.e., something those who are living longer term in a place can provide perspective on) or vacation related. If it’s more of the latter, consider finding a travel page where you can seek answers to your question/s instead. This is a gray area for sure, but some expat groups get testy when you’re seeking info that’s really more about being a traveler. If you’re looking for what to do when you need to see a medical professional or how the medical system works, an expat page is likely useful. If you want to know the best way to transit to the airport, a travel page may be better. Use your best judgment.
Resist chiming in with a perspective on things until you’ve spent some time in the location unless you truly have a unique perspective that will be useful and kind. Just because your friend’s brother’s ex-girlfriend visited 4 years ago and had a particular experience doesn’t make you an expert or necessitate you sharing.
Once you’ve spent time in the location, consider sharing anything you think others would benefit from. This could be through a post of your own or in response to questions others have asked. Be thoughtful about what you share, how you share it, and consider whether it’s your story to share in the first place. If it’s something cautionary, be thoughtful about how you phrase things; there’s no need to be rude or disparaging.
Once you’ve shared anything pertinent, ask yourself whether you’ll be going back to that location. If not, consider exiting the group, if for no other reason than to clean up your feed. It takes a lot of mental energy to be on social media; why expend energy scanning posts from a group you’re not longer benefiting from or contributing to?
If you’ve spent time in expat groups online, what else would you say?