Things I've (re)learned about myself
After 3+ months of traveling the world
I’m a go-go-go person, much as I sometimes wish I wasn’t. I don’t know how to just relax and do nothing for long spells. I can do it for a bit (and when I’m tired), but then I get antsy. I crave new and novel experiences (not necessarily hugely adventurous ones — I mean, you’re not going to find me skydiving) and get bored doing the same thing. And if there are places to explore that sound interesting, I want to go!
Not surprisingly then, I prefer urban/suburban developed areas versus remote places. It’s about the energy. Yes, I like a beach, but I prefer being near (lots of different) people and having good infrastructure. I like the ease of moving around (even with traffic) and the possibility of having a variety of places to go. I crave activity and interaction. A solitary life is not for me, though I love escaping to the beach, mountains, etc. When I think about the places we’ve gone where I’ve felt my energy best aligned, it’s been in Lisbon, Madrid, and Tokyo. I love hanging out in a bookstore or coffee shop and riding the metro — things that are all near other people. I also love walking around to take in the different neighborhoods. What about you?
I’m a control freak. There, I said it. I have trouble letting go and having others plan things. That said, there have been times I’ve been *this close* to asking a travel agent to plan the next leg of our travels because the time it takes to research and book things is huge. I did that when we went to Lisbon and it was amazing. What stops me? I don’t have a job right now; surely I can manage to do this? It’s flawed thinking, I know. So I go down a bazillion rabbit holes to the point I get decision fatigue. But also, we aren’t just traveling to travel; we’re looking at places we could potentially get residency, so we’re looking at things through multiple lenses, so I convince myself I need to do the research. Sigh.
I’m not a good homeschool teacher. I love learning myself, and I’m fairly self-directed. The girls want to do things semi-autonomously (and then growl at me when I ask them to do those things, like math), but there are some topics they need more guidance on and when I make suggestions they don’t go over well because, you know, they’re tween/teen girls and they don’t want to listen to me. Also, I don’t “teach” exactly like the teachers they had in school, so I’m obviously doing it wrong [eye roll], so I need to outsource things. And I need to get on that.
I don’t know what to do with myself without a job. I’ve never been one of those people who wants my job to be my identity, but when you’ve worked basically your entire adult life, it is a big part of your identity anyway. Only now I have no job and so I’m left wondering, Who am I? What do I want to accomplish? And I’m having a bit of a freak out over it. I need to use my intellect or I fear I’ll wither away. Help! Ideas?
So that’s me. Just finding and losing myself all at once in a roundabout way. Zigzagging along.