You Don't Necessarily Have to Know What's Next
It's okay to be uncertain and/or change your mind
Life as a jungle gym, not a straight path
It can be comforting to have a level of certainty to be navigating towards. And for some life paths and goals, you need to have a plan because the competition is tough and the road to get there can be long! If that’s you (and I know and have supported many people like this in my professional career), then I’m cheering for you all the way, so long as this is truly what you want and you know why you want it.
But if that’s not you or if you’re questioning whether you still want that to be you, that’s OK. It’s OK to not know for sure what the path ahead looks like or even where you want to go. It doesn’t mean you won’t get there. It just means you’re not sure where “there” is at the moment, and you’re open to the possibilities in front of you that you may not even be able to see yet. It also doesn’t mean that you’ll stay stagnant, contrary to the stories you may be telling yourself inside your head. It just means you’re on your own path and that path has yet to be (re)defined.
You may also be the person who’s long known what they wanted to do and you’ve chased that dream, even attained it (or are on the way), and now you’re at a point where you’re not sure it’s what you still want. Or maybe you’ve been thrown a curve ball you weren’t expecting and it’s causing you to rethink things. You’re allowed to change the path you’re on or even just contemplate what it could look like to make a change.
Let me repeat that: You are allowed to not be sure of the path ahead and/or to change your mind about it. Whether you’ve never had a clear goal or whether you’re contemplating pivoting away from the one you’ve been chasing, it’s okay. I realize this flies in the face of the narrative that tells us continual advancement is key, productivity is paramount, and we must know where we’re going or we’ll end up lost and unsuccessful.
There’s something I want to tease out here: Not knowing exactly what you want to do next (or changing your mind about it) doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious. You can have ambition and be unsure of your next step and the path ahead. It doesn’t mean you won’t be successful. It just means that you’re open to redefining what success means to you, on what timeline, and on whose terms.
So, if this resonates, welcome. I see you. Is this space comfortable? Not as such, no. It takes courage. But here’s what many of us have figured out and are embracing, especially as we get to middle age (and, actually, younger generations are doing this much sooner): Life is variable, full of highs and lows and curly cues and roundabouts and sometimes dead ends, but also sometimes secret passageways to amazing adventures. There is no prescribed order of events you must follow, no set of checkboxes you have to tick off, no single way to experience life and get meaning out of it.
Each of us has a unique set of advantages and disadvantages, resources and intellect, gumption and resilience, setbacks and leaps forward that we use to navigate our lives. And, like a book, we have many chapters; some are short but sweet, others long and difficult. Some we choose; some are kicked off for us. Life is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Remember those? (Yeah, okay, I’m dating myself.) It’s where you don’t necessarily read the book in order, but you skip around based on the choices you make and the things that happen to you (as the character). Life is like that, with many possible paths and outcomes.
Our lives are like a jungle gym, and I love the playful nature of that. It invites the possibility that you can move in many directions—as your interests change, as your life changes, as you have chance encounters that plant new ideas. The sometimes scary part is in the letting go as we move between the rungs. As humans, we don’t like uncertainty and we don’t like the idea of failure, especially if we don’t see learning and rising from failure being modeled around us. So letting go to allow ourselves to move sideways or even downward can be hard, even when it might be what makes sense to do as part of our eventual path forward.
This is an invitation to think about your life more as a jungle gym, with many possibilities, not just the path you’re currently on. It’s an invitation to sit in the uncertainty, the not knowing, if that’s where you are. To embrace the part of you that may have a different dream or desire from the one you’ve been chasing, even if you aren’t sure exactly what that is yet. To let go of the path you’ve been on if it no longer feels like the right one for you or even if you’re just curious about what else could be possible. This doesn’t mean you have to do it all at once, but it’s okay to entertain the idea. And if you love the path you’re on and have clarity about where you want it to take you, then I’m rooting for you! Either way, I wish you genuine fulfillment and success on your terms.
If this resonates, let me know. (It’s also okay if it doesn’t!) And if you’d like someone to chat with, feel free to reach out. I’m happy to make time to connect: laura dot payette at gmail dot com.